


To the Moon and Back

by idoltina



Category: Glee
Genre: Astronaut Blaine, Canonical Character Death, EMT Kurt, Explicit Language, Gen, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Original Character Death(s), Past Character Death, Past Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-15
Updated: 2012-06-15
Packaged: 2017-11-21 19:23:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/601231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idoltina/pseuds/idoltina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine Anderson is four when he decides he wants to be an astronaut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To the Moon and Back

**Author's Note:**

> **Warnings (if any):** Language, character death, mentions of violence, homophobia, suicide, and sex

Blaine Anderson is four when he decides he wants to be an astronaut.

He’s in preschool but he reads at a second (maybe third) grade level. His books are his friends and he takes more comfort in numbers and music notes than the cameras and film and attention that Cooper gets. They’re brothers but Cooper is fourteen and never home -- when he is, he’s holed up in his room, pacing his floors and speaking loudly, his nose pressed against the television. Cooper says he’s ‘studying’ and he’s got big, unbound books that he reads from. Lately, he only pays attention to Blaine if Blaine calls him ‘Pony,’ and he’s been stealing the gel Mama uses on Blaine’s hair.

They’re in the living room together, for a change, Cooper pacing the floors and reading from his white book (Mama says Cooper’s going to be on the television one day, that he’s going to be a big _star_ ). Blaine’s curled up with _The Egypt Game_ on the couch, knees tucked up against his chest on the couch, when the television captures his attention. He’s not sure why it’s on, no one’s watching it, but it’s on the History channel and there’s a special about the moon landing. Blaine puts down his book and stares at the television, transfixed. There’s hardly any gravity and only twelve men have walked on it (twelve of them, all men, and Blaine doesn’t know how many people there are in the world but he knows that twelve out of all of them isn’t a lot).

It’s special.

He looks out the window and up to the sky, the moon big and bright and out of reach, too far away for him now. He looks back at Cooper, still pacing; Blaine thinks about scraping his hands after Tommy had pushed him on the playground three days ago, remembers the butterflies in his stomach when Justin had grabbed his hand, closes his eyes at the thought of Mrs. Price pulling them apart and telling him that little boys didn’t hold each other’s hands. Dad works all the time, Mama fusses over Cooper and drives him to rehearsals and auditions (“Coop’s going to be in a _commercial_ , Blaine, isn’t that nice?”), and Blaine --

Blaine has his books that are for kids a lot older than him and his music and he’s good with numbers (he’s figured out how much change Mama should get at the store when they go, but Mama hasn’t noticed yet). Blaine wears his sweater vests and lets Mama gel his hair back and tie a bowtie around his collar (he minds less, now that he’s older -- when he’d been three, he’d hated them, but he’s four now and he’s trying to act more like a grown-up).

He looks back at the television and watches a man named Armstrong walk on the moon.

Cooper might be a big star someday, but Blaine’s going to be the man in the moon.

*****

He gets his parents to send him to Space Camp over the summer when he’s nine.

*****

He’s thirteen when he comes out, still quiet and bookish with slicked back hair and an affinity for bowties. He’s just about finished with the list of books Mrs. Albright had her students read when Cooper was a senior and is taking an Algebra 2 class at the community college on Monday nights. Posters for Sadie Hawkins go up in every hallway and classroom, and Blaine _wants_ to go (he’s been practicing his moonwalk -- if they play MJ, he can show it off), but the girls are avoiding him like the plague and Blaine...

Blaine wants to go with Justin.

So he asks Justin, and he goes with Justin, because they’re friends, they always have been, and they don’t have anyone else to go with. They’re waiting for a ride home when it happens, he can’t help it, he just wants to know what it’s like --

The feel of Justin’s lips against his own is the first time Blaine’s felt like he might be able to fly.

He wonders if this is what it’s like to walk on the moon.

But gravity rears its three ugly heads, beats him into the ground, dislocating his shoulder and making his stomach turn when he hears his ribs crack. They leave Blaine and Justin there, not a look back. Blaine crawls across the lawn, tugs Justin’s head into his lap and strokes Justin’s hair and waits. His vision grows hazy as he fights to stay conscious but he has to, he has to make sure Justin’s okay, this isn’t his fault, Blaine has to keep him together.

Blaine looks up at the sky and wishes more than ever that he could be up there instead of down here.

He looks up at the moon and sees red.

*****

He has two bachelor degrees by the time he’s twenty. He spends a year proving himself worthy enough to be a pilot in command of a jet aircraft (he’s pretty sure most people don’t achieve something like this until they’re in their mid to late twenties, but his mentor, Jim, has a soft spot for him and figures if he’s old enough to throw back a beer, he’s old enough to handle the responsibility). It takes him another four years to put in a thousand hours, and he spends most of them in the air, off of the ground and in the sky and still not close enough to the moon.

His parents call on Christmas and Cooper never forgets Blaine’s birthday, shows up for every graduation and birthday of note (and once, when Cooper was twenty-three, he’d ditched a really important audition and sat stoically at Blaine’s bedside, disbelieving because _shit like this isn’t supposed to happen to real people_ ). Their parents acknowledge Blaine’s accomplishments and celebrate Cooper’s, the comparison never outright but always present.

Cooper may live amongst stars, but Blaine will get closer to one than Cooper ever has and ever will.

Blaine moves to Texas when he’s twenty-five, and the Johnson Space Center welcomes him with open arms.

*****

It’s Jim in Texas with two bottles of beer who calls him out on it, Jim who can read him like an open book.

“I’m gay, you know.”

Jim chuckles next to him and takes another swig of beer, leaning back on his elbows on the stairs of the back porch. “Yeah, I know.”

Blaine looks over at him in surprise. The bottle feels loose in his hands. “You do?”

Jim grins over at him. “Kid, how long have I known you?”

Blaine flushes and looks away, grinning in spite of himself. “A long time.” He tears at the paper label on the bottle, just for something to do. “Do you think it’ll matter? Being out before I go?”

“Nah,” Jim drawls dismissively, taking a long drink. “Being out been an issue for you before?”

Blaine inhales sharply, the phantom pain of his ribs and shoulder sending a tingling sensation down his spine. “You could say that.”

There’s a long pause before Jim speaks again. “You can’t look at the moon like it’s a suicide mission, kid.”

Blaine gulps down half of his beer in one go, eyes trained on the night sky. “How do you look at it?”

“An adventure.” Blaine gives him a look but it just makes Jim grin wider. “No, I’m serious. It’s good to have goals, and all, but what do you do when you reach them? What’s left? The rest of your life, kid. There’s a beginning and an end and the rest is a whole lot of middle. What you’re doing isn’t really living.”

“Then why are you going, _Commander_?” Blaine asks dryly. “Are you going to spend the next five years not really living?”

“Hell no,” Jim says, drawing out the words long and slow and weaving a laugh between them. Blaine cracks a smile. “Look at what I’m doing. I’m here helping you out, and yeah, I’ll spend some time in DC and Florida getting ready for the mission. Five years feels a little like overkill to me, but you know politicians and their red tape. But you know what else I’m gonna be doing? I’m gonna still be trying to start a family with Kara because we don’t have that many years left before we can’t. I’m gonna take her to Prague. I’m gonna have a steak dinner when I feel like it. I’m gonna _live_ , Blaine. You should do a little living, too.”

Blaine takes another sip of beer and runs his tongue over his lips, savoring the wet and the bitter taste. “I don’t have an expiration date like you do.”

Jim reaches over and steals the bottle from Blaine’s hand. “Then quit acting like you do.”

Blaine looks back up at the moon and then reaches over to steal the bottle back.

*****

He meets Kurt Hummel in a sea of spinning stars.

“Hey there.”

Blaine blinks his eyes open and tries to focus, but the room is spinning and he can’t make out much more than the face of a man in blue. Blaine tries to sit up and immediately regrets the choice, his stomach churning violently. The man’s hand presses firmly against Blaine’s shoulder, forcing Blaine back down. “Whoa, not yet. You’ve got a head injury.”

“A what?” Blaine asks blankly, reaching around to touch the back of his head.

“A head injury,” the man laughs. He pries Blaine’s hand out from behind his head and god, if Blaine’s head weren’t spinning right now, he’d be able to pay more attention to the sparks shooting down his spine at the sound and contact. The last time he’d sustained injuries like this, Justin’s head ended up in his lap and Blaine had tried to keep them both together --

Blaine blinks again, trying to orient himself to his surroundings. He’s definitely not in the bar anymore. “Where am I? Why is it so bright?”

“You’re in an ambulance,” the man says gently. “You hit your head pretty hard. Your friends at the bar said you might’ve had a little too much to drink.”

Blaine groans and closes his eyes. “Their fault,” he mumbles. “Made me do a blast off.”

“A what?” the man asks, clearly stifling a laugh.

“Blast off,” Blaine sighs. “It’s a bunch of shots arranged to look like a rocket ship.”

“Why on Earth would you do that?”

Blaine mumbles his answer sleepily, and then there’s another hand on his skin, brushing gently against his cheek. His eyes flicker open again and _oh_ , he’s missed this feeling. He’s missed the desire to abandon blind ambition and give into something that makes him want to be _here_ , now. He wishes he hadn’t had so much to drink. He knows he’s a lightweight and he knows he doesn’t always make the best decisions when he’s drunk. He wishes he had the capacity to remember his own name right now, wishes he could function enough to flirt. He can’t tell if his stomach flipping is the alcohol or the man in blue. “Astronaut,” Blaine murmurs again. “‘s a drink for astronauts.”

The man’s mouth twitches into a smile before his gaze moves above Blaine’s eyes, his brow knitting a little. “You hit your head harder than I thought.”

Blaine shakes his head and _ow_ , that was a bad idea. “No,” he insists. “‘m an astronaut. Well, not yet, but I work for -- for NASA, finished the training...”

“Right,” the man says distractedly, digging through a box next to them. “Can you tell me your name?”

“Blaine,” he says, and he’s impressed with how clear it comes out. “Blaine Anderson.”

“Okay, what year is it, Blaine?”

“T -- twenty -- twenty twenty-two.” Blaine grapples for the man’s hand again. He’s telling the truth, he has to make sure his savior understands that he’s not normally this reckless. He takes his job seriously, he doesn’t want to give the rest of them a bad name. This man is just... really, really cute. Even through an alcohol-induced fog, Blaine wants to know him well enough to kiss him.

Last time, Blaine’s injuries had been caused by that thought.

This time, they’re the cause.

So many stars...

“‘m serious. ‘m an astronaut. You can check my i.d.”

The man rolls his eyes but smiles, patting Blaine’s hand. “Okay, Astronaut Anderson. Right now, we’re taking you to the hospital. I’m afraid space will have to wait.”

Blaine smiles back and tries to relax. “I think I’m in better company here.”

*****

When he wakes up in the hospital the next morning, he possesses only a slight hangover, an overly worried Jim, and a post-it note stuck to the back of his NASA badge with seven digits and a name scrawled across it.

_K. Hummel._

*****

Their first date is on a Saturday, one that Kurt doesn’t have to work or be on call, and Blaine feels about fifteen.

Or thirteen, maybe.

Somehow, he feels like this date will end better than that one. They’re outside of the president’s front door, after all.

Kurt takes the time to inform him that he has Kennedy’s impeccable hairline.

Blaine learns that Kurt grew up in Ohio too, and that he relocated to D.C. because his step-mother won a Senate seat a few years back. He’s vague about his reasons for becoming an EMT, but he admits that it’s gratifying to be the first one able to help people in need. “Doctors may get paid more than we do, but sometimes patients need us to help them get there.”

“You are... something else,” Blaine laughs, ducking his head and laughing.

Kurt laughs, too, and Blaine flushes with pride. “Says the _astronaut_.” Kurt shakes his head. “I can’t believe that wasn’t a line.”

“I was drunk with a head injury!” Blaine says defensively, but he grins anyway. “I don’t think I was capable of delivering a line.” He looks away and takes a small lick of his ice cream, catching it with his tongue before it drips off of the edge of the cone. “You seem far more impressed with my career choice than my parents.”

“How could anyone not be impressed with you? Especially after a Blast Off?” Blaine tries to glare at him but Kurt’s smiling when he looks over, and Blaine can’t help but smile back.

“My brother’s an actor.”

Kurt wrinkles his nose. “I’ve dated an actor. No thank you.” His eyes dart down to Blaine’s hand and then back to his face again. He hesitates for a moment and then stops walking, reaches for Blaine’s hand, and sucks the tip of Blaine’s thumb between his lips. “Ice cream,” is all he says, and Blaine looks down to find half of his hand covered in it.

Kurt still hasn’t let go of his hand.

“That’s... a little forward for a first date, don’t you think?”

Kurt grins. “Live a little.”

He kisses Blaine for the first time at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Northwest, and Blaine drops the rest of his ice cream on the surface of the moon.

*****

Falling in love with Kurt Hummel is the exact opposite of everything his life has been up until this point. It’s unplanned and chaotic and there’s no script to follow. Blaine is, for once, entirely on his own, no mentor or shadow or guidelines to set him in the right direction. Kurt is -- he’s meticulous and he really cares about people and he puts everything into his job. But he’s also none of those things. He’s spontaneous and a little reckless and vivacious. They don’t plan dates. Or rather, they plan to spend a Thursday afternoon or a Sunday morning together, and sometimes a meal is involved, but mostly Blaine has no idea what he’s getting himself into.

Blaine asks him, once, if he has any goals.

“What?” Kurt laughs, spreading his arms wide and spinning around in a circle. “And miss all this?”

*****

Blaine introduces Kurt to Jim and Kara over the fourth of July holiday, and the first thing out of Jim’s mouth is, “Steak dinner.”

“I’m sorry?” Kurt says slowly, grasp faltering in Jim’s.

Blaine bites his lip and tries not to laugh. “Did you just compare my boyfriend to a piece of meat?”

“We’re having steak _ka-bobs_ ,” Kara clarifies, smacking Jim’s arm. “Excuse my husband.”

“Is it just the meat, or do you mix vegetables in with it?” Kurt asks interestedly.

“Grilled peppers,” Kara says with a grin. “Go big or go home, right?”

Kurt lets Kara drag him off into the kitchen (although it really seems the other way around, once the array of food has been listed off -- Blaine can swear Kurt’s mouth is watering by the time Kara gets to _macaroni salad_ ) and Blaine settles down on the back porch next to Jim, popping the cap off of a beer. “He’s a steak dinner,” Jim says, once Kara’s out of earshot.

It takes Blaine a moment to get the reference, but when he does, he smiles. “I appreciate the sentiment, but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t compare my boyfriend to meat.” Jim rolls his eyes and throws his bottlecap at Blaine. “How’s the baby making going?” Blaine teases.

Jim grins at him. “Like I told you, kid -- the fun’s in getting there.”

*****

There’s a card from Cooper and another from his parents that Christmas, the latter of which prompts Kurt to ask if Blaine is close to his parents.

“Not really,” Blaine admits. He bites his lip and looks up from the glossy photograph. “Does that make me a bad person?”

Kurt shakes his head and pries the cards from his hands, setting them down on the coffee table. “I understand the need to keep your distance, sometimes.”

Blaine says _I love you_ first, and Kurt presses him into the couch cushions, his touches gentle and tentative.

They fall asleep under mistletoe, but in the morning, Blaine wakes up alone.

*****

He doesn’t hear from Kurt for three weeks, not until a storm passes over and the electricity goes out. He shows up at Blaine’s doorstep at one in the morning, drenched to the bone. “I’m sorry I’m late.” Blaine doesn’t say anything, just offers his hand and tugs Kurt inside. Kurt allows Blaine to strip him of his clothes to get him into something warmer, and he doesn’t stop talking the whole time. “So many accidents tonight. There was one -- he didn’t make it to the hospital.”

Blaine looks up from his spot on his knees in front of the couch and tugs a blanket around Kurt’s shoulders. “Are you okay?”

Kurt nods, but he closes his eyes and Blaine can see tears on his lashes. “I just wish I could’ve helped more. I wish I could’ve done something. I wish --”

“Kurt,” Blaine says gently, tucking his hands beneath the blanket and wrapping his arms around Kurt to warm him. “You can’t save everyone.”

“I know,” Kurt gasps, and he leans forward into Blaine’s touch, hooking a chin over Blaine’s shoulder. “But I want to try.”

*****

They’re together a year and a half when Kurt tells Blaine he loves him.

Blaine wraps his arms around Kurt’s waist and asks, “How much?”

Kurt drapes his arms around Blaine’s neck and presses a buzzing kiss to his lips. “Mmm, to the moon and back.”

*****

“Blaine?” Kurt calls out from the bathroom.

“Yeah?” he calls back, wrinkling his nose at the newspaper in front of him.

“Why do you have two toothbrushes?”

It’s a ridiculous question with a simple answer. “One of them’s yours.” Kurt emerges from the bathroom holding said toothbrush, red and just out of the package, unused. Blaine half-glances at him before turning his attention back to the newspaper. “Just in case you forget to bring yours when you stay over. You’re here often enough, I thought you might --”

He’s cut off by Kurt’s fingers hooking under his chin and forcing Blaine’s head up. Kurt leans in and kisses him, soft and slow, and he’s smiling when he pulls away. “Thank you.”

Blaine can feel his face grow hot, something he’s not really proud of at his age (he’s thirty, they’ve been together two years already), but he also finds that he doesn’t really care. Kissing Kurt is probably the closest thing Blaine will ever experience to walking on the moon. If he’s lucky, he might be able to become part of a crew to the station, but the moon? The moon’s a rarity these days, visits far and few between and planned far in advance. Jim’s going, in a year and a half. Jim deserves to go. He’ll take a piece of Blaine there with him.

“How do astronauts brush their teeth in space?” Kurt asks from the bathroom, voice floating down the hall.

Blaine smiles and gives up on the newspaper; he retreats to the bathroom and leans against the doorjamb, watching Kurt brush his teeth. “It’s not that different, really.”

Kurt wrinkles his nose now and spits into the sink, staring at the remnants of the paste. “But where does it go?”

Blaine laughs. “In a cloth, usually. Or you swallow.”

Kurt wipes his mouth off with a nearby hand towel and smirks at him in the mirror. “Oh really?”

“Mmhmm,” Blaine hums, sauntering forward and wrapping his arms around Kurt’s waist. “I could show you, if you want.”

Kurt leans back into the embrace a little, his body pleasantly warm against Blaine’s. “If I’d known that being an astronaut’s boyfriend meant extra blowjobs, I would’ve tried to pick you up years ago.” He turns his head slightly and presses his lips to Blaine’s, locking their fingers together over his abdomen and squeezing tight.

He tastes like mint.

*****

He’s with Kurt, tangled up in a blanket on the couch, when he finds out.

The television’s on but the sound’s on mute, and Blaine’s been quite content the last twenty minutes to sit and watch the eleven o’ clock news go by in a blur. His head’s cradled against Kurt’s chest, their legs intertwined and it’s hot, so hot and they’re sweaty and too warm and naked but it’s perfect, beyond perfect.

The headline flashes across the television -- ASTRONAUT CAUGHT IN CROSSFIRE OF ARMED ROBBERY -- and Blaine blinks sleepily into awareness. “Turn the volume back on,” he murmurs, sitting up a little.

And then Jim’s face is there and Blaine’s chest tightens, his heart stops beating and he can’t breathe, this isn’t happening -- “No,” he whispers, voice shaking. “ _No._ ” His whole body starts to shake and Kurt’s hand is on his back, warm and soothing and anchoring.

He breaks before he’s really ready for it, tears pouring from his eyes; he chokes out a sob and Kurt is still there, arms wrapped around him, pulling Blaine’s head against his chest again.

Gravity’s a heartless bitch.

Kurt keeps him together.

*****

Kurt doesn’t accompany him to Jim’s funeral. All he says is, “I can’t.”

Seventeen shots ring out, and Kara’s hand reaches for Blaine’s; she tugs their hands on top of the folded-up flag, the fabric too-smooth under their skin. He traces the stars with each shot, one, two ( _it was the second shot that killed him_ ), three --

Blaine sucks in a breath and tries to keep it together for Kara.

It’s not until they’re alone at the gravesite that either of them speaks at all. “You were like a son to him, you know.”

Blaine’s eyes fill with tears but he doesn’t cry, not now, not yet. Kara needs him. “He was fifteen years my senior,” Blaine says with a laugh, even though he doesn’t feel the least bit like laughing. “Awfully young to be a father.”

“Oh don’t remind me,” Kara groans, and she almost sounds like herself. “I’m only twelve years older than you, that’s just wrong.”

“You started it.”

“I’m serious, though.” She pauses for a moment before adding, “We couldn’t have kids. I don’t know if he ever told you that.”

Blaine looks over at her in surprise and shakes his head, grasping her hand a little more tightly. “No, he didn’t. When --”

“A year ago,” Kara answers faintly. “We made our peace with it.” She looks over at him and smiles a little. “He did a pretty good job with you, though.”

Blaine shakes his head. “I’m not your son.”

Kara squeezes his hand back. “That doesn’t mean I’m any less proud of you.”

He cries, then.

*****

NASA calls him after two weeks, and Blaine’s not sure if he should be insulted or flattered.

Kurt tells him not to go.

Blaine wants to go. Blaine _has_ to go.

Kurt breaks up with him to make it easier.

*****

Being the youngest astronaut to ever go to the moon -- and as a commander, no less -- is apparently noteworthy to his parents. Not very -- he’ll only be number thirteen, after all -- but they’re proud regardless and Blaine finds that he really doesn’t care that much. Cooper’s using it as bragging rights and Kurt --

Blaine grimaces and knocks back the rest of his scotch. Thinking about Kurt hurts too much. And it isn’t -- it isn’t fair, because the plan has always been to leave because there was nothing good he wanted to stick around for. Kurt’s changed all that, but it’s not like Blaine can just up and decide not to go. It’s -- this is what he’s wanted, what he’s worked for, it’s a huge honor and Jim, Blaine’s doing this for Jim. And Kurt of all people should understand that.

Blaine knows the risks. He’s known about the risks for ages, knows everything that could wrong, knows what _did_ go wrong, the oxygen tanks exploding and people dying before they make it back. He gets it, he does, he understands why Kurt’s afraid and reluctant to let him go.

Blaine has to do this. He _has_ to. It should be him, replacing Jim. It should be him, going to the moon. It should be him, outshining Cooper.

It should be Kurt, with him.

*****

Blaine opens the door to his apartment three months before launch and Kurt’s _here_ , standing in his doorway with a suitcase at his side. He’s already crying.

“I don’t want you to go.”

Blaine doesn’t let go of the door handle. “I know.”

“What if you don’t come back?”

Blaine sighs. “I don’t know,” he admits. “Then I don’t come back.”

Kurt cries a little harder and shakes his head. “You can’t leave me here.”

Blaine reaches for Kurt’s hand, holds it for a moment before bringing it up to his chest, palm lying flat against where his heart is beating underneath. “I’m not,” he says quietly. “I’m taking you with me.”

The suitcase gets shoved inside of the apartment and Blaine’s arms are full of Kurt, awkward and angled and limbs tangled, lips smashed together. They fall into Blaine’s bed, strip their clothes quickly and rut against each other, hard and fast and desperate, crying out as they come, clinging to each other desperately. Kurt rests his head against Blaine’s chest and links their hands together. They’re quiet for a long time, both of them resolutely ignoring the light the moon brings in from the window and the shadows it casts. It’s a long time, forty-five minutes or an hour, before Kurt moves at all. He shifts on and around Blaine’s body so that he’s propped up on one elbow, their faces close. He lays a hand gently on Blaine’s cheek and kisses him softly.

“Let’s get married.”

Blaine traces the arch of Kurt’s hairline with the tips of his fingers, smiles absently at the thought of Kennedy. “When I get back?”

Kurt shakes his head, humming pleasantly under the attention. “Before you go.”

Blaine studies his face for a moment, open and warm and so, so tired; he thinks about the band of gold weighing him down when his foot impacts the surface of the moon, thinks about the taste of cream and the smell of mint and wonders how impractical it’d be to take a sprig of mistletoe with him. His heart skips a beat and he nods. “Okay.”

*****

Cooper answers the phone with a too-loud, overly-perky, “Blainey!”

Blaine ignores it and doesn’t comment on the fact that his forty-one year old brother still addresses him by a childhood nickname. “I’m getting married.”

There’s a silence, two beats, before Cooper’s voice is booming again. “Gratz, little brother! When’s the big day, a year or two from now? I can work it into my sched, make sure I’m not filming that day --”

“I’m getting married on Tuesday.”

Silence again, much longer this time. “That’s -- but who -- how long have you -- why are you only -- did you tell --”

Blaine answers the questions that Cooper doesn’t complete. “His name’s Kurt. We’ve been seeing each other for three years. We made the decision last night and yes, I told Mom and Dad, but they seem to think it’s only practical for them to make it to one major event in my life in the next three months, so they’ll be at the launch.” He tries not to sound bitter. He knows he fails.

“Blaine, that’s -- that’s _four days from now_. Three, if you don’t count Tuesday itself, which I wouldn’t if you’re getting married before noon, but --”

“Are you coming or not?” Blaine sighs. “I can’t get married without a best man.” For once, Cooper seems stunned into silence. “Look, Coop, you -- you’ve managed to track me down or fly me out for every single one of my birthdays, you showed up when I graduated and completed the program... For whatever reason, being my brother is important to you.” He pauses, looks up from his spot on the couch at Kurt, who’s pacing the floor in front of the window and is on the phone as well. Blaine’s mouth twitches into a smile before he sighs and returns his attention to Cooper. “We’re in DC the rest of tonight but we’re leaving tomorrow afternoon to drive up to New York. I hope you come.”

*****

Blaine pulls open the door Sunday morning and is immediately engulfed in the arms of someone much, much taller than him. “Hey, Squirt! Didn’t think I’d let you run off and elope without your big brother around to sneak in a little last minute bachelorhood fun now, did you?”

“Coop,” Blaine wheezes, clawing at Cooper’s sides. “Coop, let me go, I can’t breathe.”

Surprisingly, Cooper does. Blaine stumbles backwards, catches his breath and looks up at his older brother, who is currently gaping at something behind him.

Well, someone, rather. Kurt. Kurt, who is currently only wearing Blaine’s bathrobe and is curled up on the couch with a plate of scrambled eggs, fork hovering in mid-air next to his mouth. “Hi?”

“Oh, little brother,” Cooper says, shaking his head. “He is so out of your league.”

Blaine flashes a grin back at Kurt. “I know. Not for long, though.”

*****

“Why Kurt?” Cooper asks him Tuesday morning. “Why get married to Kurt?”

Blaine looks down at the ground, folds his hands in between his legs and takes a breath. “He’s my whole world, Coop. I just orbit around him.”

“I’m going to die.”

Blaine blinks over at his brother in surprise. “You’re what?”

Cooper looks over at him and bursts out laughing. “Oh god, sorry, not -- jesus, not like that. Not now, or anything. Someday.”

Blaine just gives him a look. “I don’t really think now’s the time to be talking about this.”

“No, just --listen,” Cooper says, and he reaches over to rest a hand on Blaine’s knee. “Look, I -- I know I haven’t always been the greatest brother to you.”

“You’re here,” Blaine says thinly. “Can you just... _be here_ and not make today about you?”

“I’m trying,” Cooper laughs. “You won’t let me.” Blaine rolls his eyes and waves a hand at him to continue. “We’re ten years apart and Mom and Dad, they -- they’ve never really appreciated you. I get that. I made sure of that.”

“I fail to see how this is going to mend ties between us, or serve as an inspirational pep talk to soothe my pre-wedding jitters, or --” He stops and looks over at Cooper in horror. “Oh god, you’re not practicing your best man speech, are you? Coop, it’s the five of us, you don’t have to --”

Cooper heaves out a sigh and clamps a hand down firmly over Blaine’s mouth. “Little brother, I’m not even going to ask nicely: just shut up and trust me for once.” Blaine tries to speak but his words come out muffled behind Cooper’s hand. “I’m not -- I’m nothing special, Blaine. I work hard and I do okay, but I’m not you. I’m not gifted.”

Blaine flushes and pulls his head away. “Mom never saw it that way,” he mumbles.

“I know, and I told you, it’s because I made sure she didn’t. I stole the spotlight and did everything I could to make her proud of me, because if I didn’t, well -- god, Blaine, I wish you could just... see yourself, sometimes. See what you can do. What you’ve done. _You’re going to the moon_ , for crying out loud.”

“I worked for that,” Blaine reminds him quietly. “We’ve both done that, we’ve both worked to get what we wanted --”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t born with my talent,” Cooper argues. “I -- look, Blaine, Mom’s always seen me as big star, okay? And, you know, I get that. I mean, by the time I left Ohio, I’d done six commercials, and I had a three film deal with Michael Bay and Annie Hathaway over the next six years, and RDJ is on my speed dial --”

“You’re making this about you,” Blaine interjects.

“My point is,” Cooper says, raising his voice and barreling on, “that stars die out. Sometimes they fade, sometimes they go out with a bang, but eventually, they all die.”

They sit in a comfortable silence for a long time, the minutes ticking away on Blaine’s wristwatch. They’re going to go down to the courthouse, they’re going to meet Kurt and Kara and Carole, and Blaine’s going to get _married_. He’s going to get married, and in three months, he’ll finally be the man in the moon.

Moons don’t die.

Blaine wishes Kurt had heard Cooper’s speech.

“Stars die,” Blaine agrees, nudging Cooper’s knee companionably. “But nothing else can live without them.”

Cooper grins over at him and nudges back, shoulder to shoulder. “Come on, little brother. Let’s get you married.” He pushes himself to his feet and offers Blaine his hand.

Blaine takes it and grins back. “You know,” he muses, straightening his tie in the mirror one last time before they go, “I have a title now. Maybe I should insist on you addressing me by it.”

Cooper rolls his eyes and shoves Blaine in the direction of the door. “Move it, Commander Squirt. I get the feeling your fiance doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”

*****

“He’s got cold feet.”

Blaine looks up from the bench he’s perched on to find Carole looking down at him. “He’s what?”

“He’s got cold feet,” she says again, folding her arms over her chest. “Not about you,” she amends in response to Blaine’s widening eyes.

“But he’s not sure he wants to marry me anymore?” Blaine asks. “I -- this was his idea. It’s Tuesday, we decided this on Friday night, I don’t understand --”

“Blaine,” Carole says, a hint of a smile playing at her lips. “Nothing’s changed. He was worried before.” She surveys him for a moment before gesturing down the hall. “He’s in the hallway around the corner. You should go talk to him.”

Blaine shakes his head. “I don’t -- I don’t want to have to _convince him_ to marry me.”

It’s Carole’s turn to shake her head now. “No, honey. I told you, it’s not about you. He has the same concerns as he did before.” She pauses, and then adds, “Ask him about the curse.” Blaine raises an eyebrow at her, but she merely gestures down the hallway again and doesn’t say another word.

Blaine finds Kurt on another wooden bench inside the courthouse, just in the hallway around the corner, as promised. He looks _beautiful_ , black and white and pale against the wood, the light throwing his skin into stark contrast. The sleeves of his button down are rolled up and his vest hangs open and loose. He’s got a small piece of paper in his hands and is twisting it nervously, over and over again.

Blaine slowly takes the empty spot next to him, and Kurt breathes in, loud and uneven. “Tell me about the curse.”

Kurt’s answer, to Blaine’s surprise, is immediate. “Eight years,” he says breathlessly, words coming out in a rush. “Every eight years, I -- I lose someone I love. It was my mom, when I was eight. Cancer. My dad, when I was sixteen. Heart attack. My stepbrother, Finn, when I was twenty-four. He -- he was in the army.” Kurt doesn’t elaborate. “By that point, I was convinced I was cursed. I tried to distance myself from Carole. That lasted all of about three weeks.” He turns his head slightly and offers Blaine a half-smile. “She’s a very stubborn lady, Senator Hudson.”

Blaine smiles back. “I bet.”

Kurt looks away again, his thumbs running over the wrinkles in the paper he’s holding. “And then I met you, and I -- I tried not to let it get too serious, but I was half in love with you from the moment I met you and I... couldn’t help it.” He sighs and rests his head against the wall, closing his eyes. “That sounds silly to you, doesn’t it?”

“Not at all, actually.” Kurt looks over at him in surprise. “Everyone has their superstitions.”

“Even astronauts?”

“Even astronauts.” Blaine leans back against the wall too. “We’re good with numbers and science. We have an answer for everything. We can tell you the why, the how. And when we can’t? It terrifies the shit out of us.”

“So you don’t always have all the answers, Mr. Genius?” Kurt teases.

Blaine laughs. “I wish I did. If we can’t explain something, we always come back to the same source: design. Your mom’s cancer? Design by genetics. Death is funny that way. Medical examiners can always tell you how and why a person died, but they don’t always have the answer as to why a person gets afflicted with something in the first place.”

“Jim?” Kurt pries.

Blaine looks away. “I don’t have an answer for that. I wish I did.”

“It was never supposed to be real,” Kurt breathes. “You being an astronaut -- it was always just this abstract thing. Intellectually, I knew there was always the possibility you’d go to space, but you were always here with me and I just -- I never thought -- and then Jim died, and --”

“Jim came back.” Blaine leans forward, rests his elbows on his thighs. “This wasn’t going to be his first mission. He’s been, before. Ten years ago, he went to the space station.” He looks over at Kurt. “He came back.”

He can see Kurt swallow, see the bob of his Adam’s apple, up and down. “Can you understand, though? Can’t you see why I didn’t want you to go? Especially now? Blaine, it’s been eight years since Finn died. I can’t -- I don’t want to be responsible for --”

“You were trying to protect me.” Blaine sits up a little. “That’s why you broke up with me when I told you about the offer, you --” He laughs incredulously, the feeling shallow in his sternum. “Kurt,” he says gently, reaching over to take Kurt’s hand in his. “Out of all the things Jim taught me, the one thing I remember most is that life isn’t about goals. It isn’t about fears, it isn’t about where you start or where you end up. It’s about what you do in the in-between. It’s about living. And you -- god, Kurt, you taught me how to do that. You gave me a reason to stay.”

Kurt’s smile is watery as he squeezes Blaine’s hand. “You’re still going, aren’t you?”

Blaine nods, but he draws Kurt’s hand up to his chest and presses it directly over his heart. “But I’d really like to take you with me.”

*****

The day before the launch, Cooper holds on a little too tight and a little too long when he hugs Blaine goodbye. “Blaine?”

“Hmm?”

Cooper hesitates for a moment before venturing, “If you die, can I play you in the biopic of your life?”

Blaine rolls his eyes but squeezes his brother a little harder. “I think you’re a little old for that, Coop.”

*****

Blaine allows Kurt to cling to him the morning of the launch, his arms acting as an anchor. “Do you want to know why I don’t want you to go?”

“I know why.”

Kurt pulls back and shakes his head, not bothering to hide his tears. “If something happens to you, I can’t get to you out there.”

Blaine runs the pads of his thumbs over Kurt’s tears. “You can’t save everyone, Kurt.”

Kurt kisses him hard on the mouth and mumbles, “I could’ve, if you’d stayed.”

“You already have.” He leans forward and kisses Kurt back, much softer. “I love you.”

Kurt tangles their fingers together, their bands clinking against each other, and Blaine feels Earth-bound. “To the moon and back.”

*****

He boards _Selene_ with a pair of white wings.


End file.
